I am a member of many professional photography organizations and discussion groups. One thing that seems to be a hot topic of discussion is trashing the dress.

I have been wanting to do a Trash the Dress session, but I haven’t been able to find a bride willing to go through with it. What do you do with the dress after you have worn it? My wife and I will be married nine years this June. Her dress is in a sealed box, which is in a basement closet. We haven’t seen her dress since our wedding night. When our daughters get married - 20, 30 (do I hear 40!) years from now, styles will have changed a lot since June 14, 1998. No offense to my wife, but I am sure that they will be looking for a dress of their own to get married in. But, being a guy, how do I say to a bride “So, would you like to trash the dress?” I’d probably get slapped, kicked, and other unprintable things. My health would be in serious jeopardy. Well, what better than a former bride to lend just the right words. A friend of mine recently posted this to her blog:

The following was written by one of Jennifer Cavagna’s brides

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Dress Trashing, March 23 2007

With so much time and effort put into the wedding gown of your dreams, it’s no wonder once the wedding day is over we still feel an attachment to it, a need to keep it.
I absolutely love my dress. I just couldn’t see the reason to keep it. So, before my wedding I researched all the options; sell it, donate it, alter it to a quilt, christening gown, another dress. None of those struck a chord with me, however. I came across an idea…trashing the dress. The website devoted to this idea had beautiful pictures, and who doesn’t want to be in beautiful pictures? Girls in their gowns were in locations that wouldn’t normally have girls in wedding gowns there. All sorts of dirty, muddy, wet places destroying these beautiful gowns that the girls had so much of their heart in. So unique…this is it. This is what I’m going to do. I put the idea away until after the wedding.

The wedding came and went – and not without its own headaches and stresses. I came back to look at the trashing idea again. But, how do I tell my mother? She’s the one who paid for the dress…does she expect me to box it all up and keep it for a daughter I may not have? Does she have an idea steeped in tradition and history that doesn’t fit with mine? I hadn’t thought of this part before.

As with most things, the longer I leave it, the less likely I am to do it. Almost one year later Jennifer Cavanagh of Jennifer Images announced she was looking for brides to do some dress trashing. Ah, my perfect opportunity. I casually mentioned the idea to my mother to see what her reaction would be. She thought it was great. So, when I mention it to her that I’m thinking about it, she didn’t react so favorably. She thought it was a great idea of other people, but not for her own daughter. What if she had a daughter that wanted to wear it? What if you want to make a quilt out of it? What about turning it into another dress? I tell her that all those ideas ‘ruin’ the dress anyways…and I’ll still have a great memento of the dress – the pictures – with the added benefit of not having to store it for 20 years. She sees my excitement, and relents.

Now, I must digress here for a minute. I had a lot of mixed reactions to this idea. Some friends thought it was great, and a fantastic way to express some creativity. Some friends said if you want to do it, go for it. One friend in particular asked me ‘You’re not seriously going to ruin your dress, are you?’ I was surprised at the varied responses. I thought that most people wouldn’t think twice about it – mainly because it’s not their dress. But, there were strong opinions even when it wasn’t their dress. Wedding dresses really evoke a lot of emotion out of people, and I was taken aback by how much.

The morning of, I got ready by myself. This was hilarious, as I neglected one tiny detail – I had a team of 3 girls helping me the morning of my wedding. That day I had just me. After much struggling (and crossing my fingers I still fit into my dress a year later), I got in it and left to go meet the photographers. There I am, wedding dress, running shoes, winter coat, and shoulder bag waiting for the streetcar – no weird looks yet. On the streetcar – 2 people looked at me strangely. As I walked down Jarvis, no weird looks – that doesn’t surprise me at all. What an odd city that the sight of me like that produced only 2 strange looks.
We get there, and it is a cornucopia of photo spots. Mud, brick, corrugated sheet metal, rust, field, puddles, cement, nature…oh, the fun. We start at a rusted out shack – with a broom out front of it for some reason – that is smack dab in the middle of the mud. I actually got stuck in the mud trying to walk through it. As we were playing around in the mud, it still feels a little awkward. I can’t explain why. Probably my self-conscious side rearing it’s ugly head. I am aware that I am not the same weight I was a year ago, and am not always a fan of pictures of myself…so why am I doing this? I think Jen and Amber felt this, and did everything they could to get me to relax, make me laugh, forget the camera was there. I appreciate their efforts with that, wholeheartedly because if I didn’t loosen up it was going to be a long day.

By the time we hit the next spot, I was good to go! I felt more comfortable leaning against the wall, and felt sexier. I think that’s what I needed. At that moment, I knew this was the right decision. I felt sexy, funny, and I didn’t care that the guys shooting a war scene 20 feet away from us were staring. I was in love with this…this is what I needed.

By the time the sun was out completely, and I was jumping around in a muddy puddle, I didn’t care how I looked, or what anyone thought – this was great! I kept thinking every bride should do this. It is so…therapeutic. There’s something about taking such a strong symbol of ‘the wedding’ and destroying it, that liberates you…frees you from the residual stress from the wedding. The flowers that were done wrong; don’t care anymore…The centerpieces I wasn’t completely happy with; don’t care anymore…The fact that there were more people than I would have originally like there…Don’t care anymore. There is nothing holding me to the wedding anymore. I have the pictures, I have memories…that’s all I need. I’m done with it, ready to leave it behind and move forward.

Now that it’s done, and my dress is a muddy pile in a garbage bag in my laundry room, and my friends have seen some of the pictures all I hear is ‘what a great idea!’, ‘wow, those look great’, ‘that was so brave. I can’t believe you did that, but wow!’ Oh, and my husband? He loves them. Says they are the sexiest photos of me he’s ever seen. I would do it again in a heartbeat.

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There! Couldn’t have said it better myself! Now I just need a bride that would like to trash her dress!

If you are a current or past bride of Neal Jacob Photography, if you have been married recently and still have your dress, or you are getting married this year and haven’t secured your photographer, then let’s talk!